The one where I face planted floor, and knocked a dentist out.

This story goes back a long, long, long time but not in a galaxy far, far away.
I was 5 years old, and I was a very happy child who liked to dance around with a box on my head.

Aged 5, see I was always an odd one.

At age 5 the world was so innocent. I loved school, I loved CBBC and I loved my family. At school I had to wear splints, that were similar to Forrest Gump, but, being a stubborn child, it never stopped me from trying to play hopscotch with my friends. That was my first big mistake. Hopscotch. I knew I should have worn a box over my head, because at least what happened to me aged 5 wouldn’t have happened.

During one warm day, during playtime, I was playing hopscotch. All was going well. Until I had an Epileptic drop fit and face planted the floor. Apparently, I decided to chew on the tarmac. Oh how lovely. The supervising teacher was horrified. I apparently just got up very dazed, and my nose was bleeding and broken, and my mouth was a mess with my six front teeth sticking out at odd angles. Plus my knees were grazed and bruised, and my hands were grazed as well. All told, not my best moment!

What became my nightmare.

You would think the supervising teacher would send me home immediately, well, dear readers, you are wrong. I was sent to the first aid room where they put Vaseline on, and a sticker saying "you are brave" and was told to go back to class. I promise you this is all true, as at 3pm I skipped out of class, splints clanging, and went into the playground to find my Mum. At first my Mum was grinning at me, then a look of utter horror dawned across her face like the rising sun accompanied by the screams of my baby sister. My Mum said "What the hell has happened?" I said in a very proud way "I fell over." My Mum scooped me up and marched me into the school, with my little brother running alongside the pram with my sister in it. My Mum stood in the reception area, and requested to see Mrs A, my year one teacher. Mrs A came out and my Mum said in a very agitated manner "Why the hell wasn't I informed of my daughter's accident?" Mrs A looked shocked "I thought you were, we saw her have an Epileptic episode and she fell on her face." My Mum said "Do you think I would allow my child to suffer all day like this? I don't think so. You should all be ashamed." After that comment my Mum marched us all out of the school.

We ended up going straight to the hospital. This was before the days of Adult A and E and Children's A and E being separate. We had to struggle in a tiny lift to the first floor where A and E was, which is no fun when there is a single Mum with three under sixes and a pram! By this point I was a bit tired, in pain and cranky. My Mum signed us in at Reception, and we took a seat. Well my Mum sat down, and so did I, but my poor brother who was having visual problems, was walking into the chairs, and walls, and other patients... My sister was talking to my Mum and I whilst in her pram (she always was a smart child!) We eventually all settled and waited. Then out of no where a PRISONER was sat next to us, whilst the Police man went off the Prisoner was chained to the chair. The prisoner was bald headed, that was all I could see, as his full face was covered in blood. I couldn't help but stare. My Mum kept saying "Ruth love, stop staring." At this point I pointed at the prisoner and said "OMMM HE HAS BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY." My Mum looked at me in horror, and said in a hushed voice "Shut up or you can't have a burger for tea!" Well that shut me up!  It really was like a bad scene from Casualty. Plus looking back, I doubt I could manage a Burger, what with me having six messed up teeth!

Like this Prisoner, but with more blood, and probably less hair.

After two or three hours of waiting, we finally got to see the Nurse, who examined me for all of five minutes and informed my Mum the damage was already done and I needed to see a Dentist the next day. Steam started to come out of my Mum's ears, but luckily she didn't whistle instead she said "YOU ARE TELLING ME I WAITED 3 FLIPPING HOURS WITH MY CHILDREN TO BE TOLD YOU CAN'T HELP ME! WELL THANKS FOR NOTHING!" So we all trudged home miserable, and I never got the burger... I'm pretty sure this upset me more than the whole face incident to be honest!

The next day my Mum took my sister and I to see the dentist at 8:30 in the morning. I was happy because I got to stay off school,whereas, my poor brother had to go to school. You see my Mum was very clever and thought she could bribe me, and she did. She gave me £20, which I was happy about, because it meant I could get more Lego, which I could then leave on the floor for my poor Mum to step on! So I behaved in the dentist waiting room. Mr S called us in. He prodded at my teeth, and conducted some dental x-ray. I wasn't too happy for three reasons:
1. He prodded my poorly mouth.
2. At five years old, I couldn't lie still for the x-ray.
3. I was told NEEDLES WERE INVOLVED.
I began to cry when I was told I had to have my six front teeth taken out. My Mum said "the toothfairy will come and give you money love." I was still miserable. The dentist prepped me, and that was his first mistake. He had to numb my mouth with local anaesthetic, which was administered by needle. When the needle came out, I began to wriggle in the chair, and I kept pushing his hands away. BIG MISTAKE AS HE WAS HOLDING THE NEEDLE. Then my Mum held my hands, but she didn't grip them well enough... I managed to get my hand free just before the needle went in my mouth. I knocked his hand and he stabbed himself with the needle. Mr S began to jump and hop around the room in so much pain, and to make it worse he blanched and nearly fainted...

I wish I was this well behaved with the dentist...but I wasn't.

Eventually I calmed down enough and had my teeth taken out once the dentist had regained feeling in his hand. I got a whole £6.00 from the toothfairy. I think I should have got more, but I had already had £20. Still...

Moral of the story is always wear a box on your head when you play hopscotch, and make sure you get bribed by your Mum to go to the dentist!

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