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Caring for someone with Autism that you love

I thought for a change I would do a serious post. You hear a lot about parents caring for children with Autism, but what about an adult caring for their partner who has Autism.

I have known Gareth since I was 14. Long story short, on March 16th 2015 we finally got together. We have been together 31/2 years. I absolutely adore him, but don’t let him know I said something soppy!

When we first got together I noticed a lot of quirks. For instance, I went to his house, and the place was a mess. There was no organisation of his belongings, there was no feeling of home. When I asked Gareth whether it felt like home he just said “it’s somewhere to sleep.” I noticed other quirks such as he has 7 cats. I was thinking is he a mad cat woman? Again, I realised it was almost a collection of cats. Don’t be mistaken, they were and are all still very well looked after, but he was so scared of losing a cat. I mean to the point he didn’t like them going outside, but they still did, but he was so very on edge. Another thing I noticed immediately was Gaz was so so so picky with food. He explained he didn’t like lamb, because of texture.  Others foods were the same, they were too chewy, or rubbery, or dry or saucy etc.
As months went on I noticed he didn’t like doing certain daily activities like brushing his teeth because the bristles didn’t feel right on his teeth.
The saddest for me he had no self-awareness, he didn’t notice if his clothes were too small, or whether his hair was brushed. Just simple things that other people can do. Plus the saddest fact is he used to get so sad and anxious. He rocks sometimes back and forth to this day. All I can is cuddle him, and comfort him.
Plus Gaz had and still has a tendency to say things at the most inappropriate moments. This is also connected with he cannot interact with people. He used to clam up. He used to stand quietly whilst I spoke to people. He was just awkward. One thing he was good at, was getting into petty arguments which to this day I step in and make him walk away, or I close down the conversation.

Gaz is so so so so extremely talented at music and numbers. Wow! He composes music so easily. He puts sounds together, and they sound amazing. Then this talent with numbers. He understands the stock markets. He aced all the way through school and college with Maths. He was an A* student. I am okay with numbers, but I prefer my Sudoku.

Eventually I made the decision to get him to see a Doctor. The Doctor was so unhelpful, he ran blood tests! Blood tests! Autism doesn’t show in Blood tests. I ended up in a disagreement with his doctor.
The blood tests showed low iron levels, and the doctor as going to leave it at that. I was not having any of that, I could see Gaz wanted to live, not jut exist! After a heated discussion about Gaz and his fatigue and behaviour, the doctor referred us to ME specialist. Gaz was happy with this. So long as Gaz was happy, then I was happy. Gaz and I were not sure if the extreme fatigue and pain could be caused by ME.

We saw an ME specialist, who asked Gaz personal questions about his life. All I can say is I ended up  in tears. Gaz’s life history is personal, and I won’t discuss that. Gaz had never really seen me cry. It was the first time he had seen me cry. He told me “stop crying. Why are you crying?” I felt so sorry for him, I tried to explain to Gaz, but he did t understand.

In th end he got referred to a Occupational therapist. We will call her Mrs Y. I attended a few sessions to understand how to support Gaz. Then he has been attending on his own.

Now I try and keep Gaz in a routine. I comfort him when he gets upset. I just cuddle him lots. I make sure he is always well dressed and looks smart. I keep him calm and relaxed. Now he has the maddest passion for cricket. We are attending a cricket match tomorrow, and I can’t wait to see his face tomorrow. All I can do is be a constant and loving figure for Gareth. I really do love him.

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Comments

Brad said…
Reading this post made me smile. I hope that you and Gareth have many many happy years together.
Thank you Brad. 😊 I am glad it made you smile. 😊🌸

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